If you have read my blog previously you understand that there have been Alot of Emotional highs and lows (admittedly more lows than highs) and recently I have been a little Too focused on the doom and gloom side of things, I cant promise that future posts wont be full of misery and self pity but I thought I would give you all a laugh at my expense..
You Should probably know that Im a bit of an artsy fartsy person and love creating something out of nothing – So this day started out with me Making a simple gift into a bit of a spectacle. Yes I love giving gifts (almost as much as I like receiving them!).
I have 5 siblings two of which live in different countries, so my bright idea to express to dad that everyone had chipped in for his birthday was to wrap the prezzie six different times in six different coloured wraps, With a message from each individual between the sheets, and as an extra flare decided with the left over wrap it would be hilarious to make some confetti to fall out between the layers!
I set to work, With my hole punch in hand making confetti… about 20 mins in my hole punch jammed. I took the back off, stupidly forgetting to empty it first and covered my self with different coloured confetti… I would love to make you all think that I am elegant and delicate but the truth is when Im in my own space I am not. I shuffle and wriggle and sit crossed legged, Even in a floaty summer dress because ‘Hey.. Who’s gonna see?’ I scrabbled around trying to pick confetti up from my awkward position only to give up about a minute later. Its. Everywhere. I’ll hoover later.
I unblocked my hole punch and again set to work only to find on the last layer of wrap I was out of sticky tape, okay Okay maybe I Had been a little excessive with sealing it tight.
Being lazy I thought I can not be doing with driving all the way to the shop so I will just walk round the corner to my In-laws and pinch her tape, not bothering to change from my (shorter than I would usually wear in public) summer dress – They literally live within a two minute walk, Handy HUH?? I walked out my house and down a little path that is (lucky for me) just off the main road which ment a slim chance of bumping into someone while showing off my hideously pale legs.
Although I made it to my In-laws without seeing another soul, parked on their drive was Two cars instead of the usual one
*CRAP! Oh well, I’m here now. Just go in get the tape, make excuses and leave. I Walked in scolding myself for not recognizing the other parked car.
*Double CRAP! Please don’t get me wrong uncle knobhead is great, and actually a lovely guy but earned the title by attempting ‘dirty dancing’ with my husbands mum at my wedding and while under the influence. – OH no no no, I don’t mean that he was trying to dance sexily with her either, But actually attempted the scene from Dirty Dancing……. you know the one I mean, the last dance where he spun my 5ft 1 mother- in-law round and round before
lifting trying to lift her above his head in some show stopping performance.. all against her will.
Yes, of course he fell.. taking my mother-in-law with him and also bowling over 3 other guests on the dance floor. Other than my poor mother-in-laws broken arm every one else was relatively unharmed. He is far from forgiven but we love him all the same!
So now stuck for a while – because it would be rude to leave, I stayed for a cup of tea.
Awhile later Uncle Knobhead appeared from the bathroom direction asking who was ‘Sh*tting glitter’ while everyone else looked confused I however start sinking back into my chair, since I had been the last to ‘spend a penny’.
‘Look!’ Uncle knobhead continued ‘It’s everywhere’ pointing at a trail leading from the door to the bathroom. Knowing the only way to stop the situation escalating is to own up and try to defuse his amusement. ‘ Sorry I think it’s coming from me, I dropped confetti all over myself at home’
I was wrong. He found it hilarious that I had somehow gotten it from my house all the way to my mother-in-laws house and also in to the loo. He then went on to inform me that confetti in the loo was just one reason on a long list that you should never eat confetti! – obviously it had come off my dress right?
After a further 10 minutes of Good old Uncle knobheads ribbing I stood to retrieve the tape and leave, The second I stood Uncle Knobhead started howling with laughter, I turned only to find where I had been sitting lay yet more confetti… Seriously embarrassed i start frantically wiping at my butt and the back of my legs which only causes uncle knobhead to laugh even harder as the confetti that had stuck itself to the back of my bare thighs falls to the floor…
My In-laws now also in fits and Uncle knobhead crying from laughing so hard Shouted out between gasps only two words.
It Has been reconfirmed – Uncle John, You are most definitely a Knobhead.
And I apparently….. a Unicorn.