Invisible Bruises

I don’t write much anymore. I kind of don’t like repetition… And I feel like 90% of the time my posts are depressing….
And because Feeling like crap is a constant at the moment.

Don’t get me wrong I’m still a fairly happy person, I’m happy every day. But I’m also miserable every day. Sometimes for no reason at all, or sometimes because someone’s innocent questions makes my body ache.

I think everyone in the ever growing TTC group dread the questions.. the ‘come on you have been married for six years now,when are you going to start a family’ questions? most of the time it kind of makes me want to rip their face off for their ignorance – I promise I’m not really a violent person – but today I just feel hurt, I feel like I could shake them and scream that. They. Should. Know. Better.

I got asked today. I got asked what was taking us so long? I got asked why we would wait 6 years if I did want children?

My answer was pure honesty – I replied that of course I want children, I would have ten…. I did not add on ….If I could.

I didn’t add on that you asking me these question burns me to the core. I didn’t add on that your stupid questions have today emotionally set me back about 6 months. I did not add on that every time I get asked or every time I see a baby bump or a pregnancy announcement, it’s another punch to the chest. I did not tell you That you have left me feeling sore and tender and bruised.

That all the time, I feel sore and tender and bruised.

Being infertile leaves me invisibly black and blue.

Advertisements

8 comments

  1. I have felt (and feel) this way frequently. People (my friends and family mostly) have been asking me this questions for about 10 years now. The “but you’re so great with kids” and “when are you going to have one of your own” and my person favorite (not) “when are you going to start really trying?” I want to scream in their face and cry and dig myself a hole. The only thing that has been giving me strength is my wife’s support and love through this process. But it doesn’t mean I don’t still feel the bruises of their words, however well meaning they might have meant them. Wishing you hope and joy along this journey, and just know that there are people who understand your struggle and will be here to support and listen to your hurt and fears. We are rooting for you!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s