My friend is in labor as I write.
I’m excited for her and can’t wait to meet the little guy when I visit them (Hopefully) this evening, but right now I have had to take a little time out to be sad. I have given myself 30 minutes.
30 Minutes to grieve what I don’t have and what I will never do. I hope I will be forgiven for taking this time for me when someone I love needs more than I do.
I’m Hurting for all the experiences that I will miss out on.
I’m ready for all the pain to go now, I’m desperate to just move the frick on. I Don’t want to hurt anymore and I don’t want to feel selfish for having to take 30 minutes to cry in the bathroom and I don’t want to feel this way about experience’s that are so, so special and important like… erm.. a birth.
When My 30 minutes are nearing an end and the tears are drying, I will force my self to move and get back to my day and I suppose take it how it comes. I know a little later I will be ecstatic for her, so I guess I will just wait for that…