Oh Fudge…

What. Did. I. Just. Do?

– each full stop representing me slamming my own head against the desk…..

I say again – What. Did I. Just do???

During a conversation with my pregnant friends sister about how exciting this December will be and her sisters joy at her due date actually being the very same day as my wedding anniversary, (Still recovering from that little cheeky kick in the gut) my friend bought up the dreaded baby shower…

I hope you all had the same Dun Dun DUURRR music in your head as I did in mine.

I, very proud of my self for looking like I had forgotten all about the fact that people actually do these things, said ‘oh yeah let me know when it will be, I’m Super looking forward to it’ only just managing NOT to clench my teeth through the last part.

‘Well’ she said ‘ here’s the thing…’ then went on to praise me on my ‘incredible’ party planning skills and my ability to bully people who don’t get along to put their own feelings aside for one special day… (not sure that one was a compliment) And eventually put in ‘ You Are the catering queen of our group.’

Ohhhh I see you want me to do some nibbles and the cake???… WRONG. Abit slow understanding… They want me to do it all. Everything.

F……..UDGE. I did not think fudge guys.

I opened my mouth to say that I think another close friend of hers would really love to be the one to honor with baby shower organiser, not at all caring if I dropped someone else in the crapper during my panic, but what in fact came out was what can only be described as an Eeek… of course she took this as and excited ‘Yes, Of course I will EEEK’ instead of the ‘No, sorry that sounds just awful EEEK’ that I had been thinking.

Look.. Im not a horrible person but having to go to a baby shower is hard enough without actually planning it.

So WHY did I not correct her?? I have NO idea.

COULD it be?? I actually want to not only participate in this celebration but plan it too?

NOOO…But I could do the awesome sugar cookies as Favours…… NNNOOO… BUT I DO Know a ton of party games……. Gosh, I think, just maybe, for reasons I don’t even understand, I want to do this.

I got home a then the panic really kicked in, really what was I thinking? I can’t handle this emotionally, Can I?

So I guess I have a Baby shower to plan.



  1. Its an amazing thing for you to do, but if you aren’t sure, you can always tell her very honestly that you just cannot handle it on your own. I’m not sure if she knows about your situation, but if she does, then she should be supportive. If she doesn’t, then it might be worth telling her.
    Anyways, good luck whatever happens!

    1. Thanks For the advice, Im hoping that after it all I will be so proud of myself and be able to focus on the hard work that went into the party rather than what a baby shower means to me.. xxx

  2. Wowzers. ..If you want to do it then go ahead but if you feel unable to don’t be afraid to tell your friend you just can’t…she should understand. And erm…kinda rude of her to put it all on you…How many other parties do you through but ask someone else to do all the work?!!

    1. I didn’t think like that at all, but genuinely dont think it would have crossed her mind to be rude..
      I’m Definatley going to give it a go though maybe just inform her that the actual day maybe spent in tears…. But some joyful ones too!! x

  3. I’m by far no expert, but do you have any pets? Have you ever thought about getting one. Maybe a dog. It seems that you really desire to nurture something, getting a pet maybe helpful with what your going through. I know you mentioned in a previous blog that you were going make it habit to do little things everyday like get dress in the mornings and etc, something purposeful, maybe something small like waking up to walk the puppy or giving it food would help you. I really don’t mean to offend, just a though that came across my mind as I’ve been reading your blogs.

  4. Oh my, you are brave. I am unable to attend baby showers. I get weepy just looking at children playing. Best wishes to you.

  5. Ugh! I know how you feel. I had to plan a baby shower for my sister who was due the same day I would have been, and now another one for my sister in law who is due 2 weeks before I would have been. I found that I was so busy planning the party and making sure everything was going smoothly that I didn’t have much time to wallow in self pity. You’ll do great!

  6. Just read through your entire blog. It’s creepy how similar your experiences and emotions are to mine.

    The envy, the terrible timing of things, peoples reactions to hearing your situation, the primary purpose of your blog. Everything reminds me of what’s gone on in my mind ofer the past few years.

    Keep writing and best of luck!

  7. Saying NO is one of the hardest things to do when you and your partner are going through infertility. My husband and I have been trying for 8 very long years. I have been a nanny to a newborn, I have watched my sister in law give birth, I planned the baby shower when both of my sister in laws were pregnant at the same time (when i shouldve been going to my own, my baby wouldve been a month older then their boys), I took care of her newborn boy every weekend from the time he was 3 weeks old until he was 9 weeks (not giving me a pack n play, he slept in my bed)…the list goes on…nothing about infertility is easy but to people that don’t understand think we can handle anything because we put on a fake smile and we don’t let them see us cry. I wish you luck with your journey and I LOVE your blog!

  8. I planned my sister’s shower voluntarily last fall and I really had a great experience even though I was dealing with infertility for more than 2 years at the time, she got pregnant with her second the first month trying. But it’s my sister, my best friend, so I had a great desire to be involved and I love planning. I don’t know if I could do it for anyone less close to me. There was an aspect that was bittersweet about it, for sure – I wondered if I would ever have my own shower! I will say I procrastinated about some of the planning, but pulled it all together beautifully.

    The only thing that upset me is when my sister in law who was also dealing with infertility did not respond to the invitation (even though I knew she was struggling to conceive, I wanted to leave the choice up to her since she is family), declined the invite by text message claiming that it was just too difficult. I said, I completely understand, I just did not want you to feel excluded. She texts back saying, “actually, you couldn’t understand until you’re going through it”. This completely set me off, but in her defense, I had not told her I was also struggling until she set me off. Oh well, we ended up bonding over it and are much much closer than before. She just now has given birth to her baby after years of infertility and I gladly attended her shower with my other sister-in – law who had recently suffered a miscarriage. What can I say, we love our family! 😉

    1. I am sorry you also have to go through this and haven’t been able to seek comfort in the people closet to you. However thanks for sharing your story, I really do feel blessed to have a group of people that truly know what you are going through! I am Excited and anxious too for the shower I am planning in the coming weeks! x

      1. I would say I have been able to seek much comfort in those closest to me, particularly both of my sister – in-laws and an Aunt who’ve all dealt with infertility or secondary infertility (This was just before I had shared our struggles with the one SIL who found it impossible to attend my sister’s shower). The rest of my family has been very supportive, but what my sister in law said to me is true – it is truly impossible to understand until you’re going through it and everyone is going to handle showers and other women’s pregnancies in their own, hopefully graceful way (but not always). Family or friends who’ve never experienced it will try to understand but often come up short in really connecting with your struggle. I have found that in opening up to the women in my life, coworkers, friends, even my doctor, just how common infertility is. Either infertility is an epidemic or I just have a particularly unlucky bunch of women around me. I posted something on Facebook about the issue after a young male coworker (actually a subordinate) asked me, “well, if you love kids so much why don’t you have any of your own!?”. I heard, “geez, what the fuck is wrong with you -are your lady parts broken?!”. Lol, anyway, I left the office immediately to take lunch, sob in my car, and resorted to posting a PSP on how people should be more sensitive when talking to young women about their family planning. Point being, I was overwhelmed with support by friends of mine that I never realized had been going through the same thing. This community is really awesome. The worst thing you can do for yourself is not reach out for comfort due to your pride. If so, you’ll miss out on a whole mess of support! Lesson learned.

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